I am forcing myself to smile!

This week I wanted to run away and go somewhere by myself or just sit somewhere by myself.  But as a mom of 2 and responsibilities I just cannot do that.  I'm not sure where my loss of my daughter comes from but every time this happens I am overcome with sadness.  Sadness about what our life could be, sadness of how hard it is for all of us including my 13year old and my mom and dad- loss of their granddaughter and what they dreamed.  I don't stay here long because it serves no purpose and it prolongs my sadness.  What I found reemitted all of this was a place with medications that I hate to be in!
In dealing with Epilepsy, for now some 12 years medications just stop working and its mind boggling knowing she is on very powerful drugs.  So we adjust and we deal with the side effects and we either accept it or so no way and go back down.  That's what happened this week and I was at my breaking point.  Sadness that this fatigue that meghan was experiencing was painful to watch, that no one had answers and I had no more energy or ideas to come up with one more idea!  When I spoke to my team I didn't get the response I had hoped.  I didn't get empathy.  I got something that  didn't want to hear.  REALITY check!
As I went through my week I didn't get the support from friends that I had hoped but what I did get was the realization of a new friend, new resource and hope!  I made myself go to a power hour for our church.  It was with a very good speaker.  The first words out of her mouth was like she was talking only to me!  I cried, i actually sobbed.  After this hour of a new friend, hope and encouragement I moved on!  I got a new attitude and prayed!